May you rest in peace.

My scale broke. I mean it was time for it to rest, but why does it have to do it when I need it most? 

Actually I shouldn't say it is broke, it is 'tired'. When you stand on it, it just gives the dreaded 'E' for error. Total bummer. I've had it for almost three years now. My child has thrown it around, it has been jumped on, and dropped so again-it deserves a permanent break.

I bought a new one. A pretty one with a glass top that I'm super excited about because it will look better in my bathroom and will actually give me an answer to my 'What is my weight now' question without taking more than two tries.

I can say I am doing well overall, but I always have this insane urge to eat as soon as I lay my kids down for bed. It's because I'm bored. I didn't realize at first I was eating because I'm bored so after riding around at 2 a.m. with Man O Dreams for about 3 hours it hit me. 

Also, it is too damn cold to be running outside right now. Cop out? Maaaaybe. I do run still, just not as long as I should because I'm just too damn cold! To curb this I'm going out and buying a treadmill, and let me tell you something- I'm going to use the fudge out of it. 

...I hope

Doughnuts for the FAIL!

Am I dead?

Am I? Because I sure as heck feel like it!

Not really!

I started running last night and it sucked. Yup, you read that right, every single step I took sucked. I was gasping for breath and my legs burned, but I kept going and lemme just tell you something! As soon as I slapped my porch rail I felt amazing. I had the most euphoric feeling ever! I experienced a runner's high for the first time in my life and I can honestly say I am hooked. 

Then...the craving for doughnuts hit me 

DUN DUN DUN

So I went to Walmart...

...and I bought some

THEN

I brought them home, sat them on my kitchen counter poured a glass of orange juice

and walked away.

I KNOW!

I'm still in shock too! They are still sitting there, less the ones previous mentioned man of dreams has scarfed down. This is a small victory to me and I can honestly say I am very very proud of myself. I even said to myself as I walked down the hall and drank my juice 'One day I'll look back and say I'm glad I didn't eat that doughnut.'

And so will everyone else.

Couch, it is time we had a talk.

In November 2011 I decided to go semi-vegetarian so we only eat meat maybe once or twice a month. In doing this I stopped cooking 'food' out of a box. This means I've already lost some weight, 14 pounds to be exact. I was stoked when I did this, but now it is time to take it a step higher. It is time to exercise. This means less time with one of my best friends. I am talking about my couch. My beautiful, soft, large couch. It has always been there for me. It lets me fall and flop on it without complaint. It never tells me to go away and always welcomes me with open arm rests. Oh couch, I feel...not so bad about this.

I have always wanted to be a runner. Before it wasn't for weight loss, it was just because I get all green with envy when I see the people in my city out running. I want to do it to! 

You may be wondering why I never have. Well, let me tell you-I'm lazy. I hate to sweat, and when I get tired I usually just 'take a break' which means I stop and then don't get started again. I am committing to change that today. I promise-wait let me say it the way I like to:

 'Hey self, you need to get in gear. From now we are going to keep going. When it burns we are going to smile and go faster. When we feel like we can't take another step, we are going to grit it and go. We have goals to reach self, and we are going to accomplish them!'

Dear couch, I'm sorry, but we have to break up.

There is nothing skinny about a cow!

Today was...a day? I wasn't horrible with my eating, but I could have done a lot better, and by a lot I mean why the hell did that man of my dreams that I live with buy me that darn Skinny Cow ice cream the other day? Better than that-why did I eat it?

I know why I did it. I did it because that ice cream is delicious! I'm not going to sit here and beat myself up about it though. Tomorrow is another day, well, today actually because it is 12:13am and I am writing this. Also, I'm not going to change in one day. This is going to take work (have I mentioned I'm not a big fan of things that take time and effort?) I'm willing to put the work in though because I want the results.

I can say that I did very well in the active area today. You see I have children-two. I don't know if you have children, but good golly they can run you wild. I deliberately took them to the park today so I could run and play with them. I also thought to myself  'Hey self if you aren't home, you can't constantly go to the fridge and check out all that scrumptious food you bought a couple days ago and lead yourself to your own demise!' Ehhh, it worked.

Also, man of my dreams I know you love me just the way I am, but can you not ask me to make wiener wraps for dinner on the FIRST DAY OF THIS JOURNEY? Oi, you kill me.

By the way, they were good...oh yes they were.

In The Beginning

When you look at that picture you probably just see a dress. If you are paying close attention you'll notice it is a halter top, maybe you'll even see the crochet detail at the neckline and the ruffle around the bottom. I'm sure you see it is white and flows. Maybe you like, maybe you don't.

When I look at this dress I don't see any of that. I see dedication. I see a goal. You see, I can't wear this dress-yet. My hips and belly tell me I'm not allowed. They tell me that this dress is too tight, and they are right. My arms tell me they don't like the way they look when I put this dress on. They all beg for more fabric, longer sleeves and a better fit.

I could go have this dress altered. I could go get a bigger size (actually I can't, this is as big as this dress gets XL) But, I'm not going to take the easy way out this time. I'm going to look at this dress and I am going to challenge it. I'm going to tell my mouth that it doesn't need that extra serving at dinner, that it wants more water and that it doesn't want to eat after 8:00 p.m. I'm going to tell my legs that they want to move, they WANT to run. I'm going to tell my hands to make healthier meals. I'm going to tell my mind that I'm not hungry, I'm just bored. I'm going to do this because I am tired of my body telling me what to do. This is MY body after all, and I am the one in control. 

So this is my message to you body:

I'll be seeing less of you soon!